Above the Stress or Swimming In It?
What does it mean to be “above the stress” and how can we experience that state in real time? The notion of simply embracing and loving what is, may seem strange and impossible. But some simple neurological techniques offer us a wonderful new opportunity to rewire our brains to deal with challenging situations with more grace and poise through literally rising above it.
“When you become a lover of what is, the war is over.”
~Byron Katie
Who doesn’t want relief from their stress? Most would answer a resounding,”Yes, me!”. While our friends and family can provide some relief by hearing about our stresses, only we can change how we relate to it, by virtue of being “a lover of what is” so the “the war” or inner conflict is over. To become a lover of what is or to rise above the stress is not the same as knowing how to do it. Katie speaks to the framework of stress itself and our relationship to loving what is as the ultimate stress reliever.
What does it mean to be “above the stress” and how can we experience that state in real time? The notion of simply embracing and loving what is, may seem strange and impossible. But some simple neurological techniques offer us a wonderful new opportunity to rewire our brains to deal with challenging situations with more grace and poise through literally rising above it.
Becoming a lover of what is, is the opposite of “swimming in it”. Swimming in it means we are too associated with that stress and the narratives that make up the conflict that loving what is, isn’t accessible to us. Swimming implies being engulfed in water, so being engulfed in our narratives of the stressful conflict is too immersive of an experience for us to access anything new. Our internal operating systems need some break or pattern interruption, in order to turn a new switch on; the switch to becoming a lover of what is.
Below are 3 techniques I recommend to help you turn on the switch of “acceptance” so you can more efficiently become a lover of what is, and have the war of stress come to a close. This is not to say that all stress is bad. We need some friction to keep things working and in order. We are talking about the type of stress that you can do without, that you won’t lose anything through giving up.
1. Accessing your neurology through the breath.
Breathing is an age old and common meditation and relaxation method. We rarely think of it as inducing a slower brainwave state that creates spaciousness for new learnings. Even when you are super stuck in a narrative and in your own inner dialoging, breathing is the gateway for you to flip your inner switch, so BREATHE. Holding the breath at the top and the bottom of the cycles for half of the time you take to count the inhale and the exhale. I like to do 6-3-6-3, but you can also do 8-4-8-4.
2. Working your neurology by relating to space.
Our brains engage several sensory perceptual areas that light up when we visualize something. When we place something that’s inside of us, outside of our bodies, our brains are coaxed into dealing with that something in a different way than if it were inside of us. So externalizing the stressful situation can be incredibly helpful to help us stop swimming in it, and it puts us outside of it, looking at it. It’s a much different experience to be in a pool than to be looking down one a pool, from the safety of your warm dry clothing. Visualize the stress moving from outside of you to a defined spot in your nearby space as a specific shape. Stand back and look at it for a bit to let it be separate from you, while knowing that it’s in the change process. It’s just like how a jar of open food will begin to oxidize, and change color. Visualize it and see that it has a color.
3. Visualize inwardly.
Now close your eyes and let yourself float up, high up above that incident and notice how it turns into a 2 dimensional photo. You may feel dissociated from it or not. Your only job is to continue to hold a gaze as you notice how your breathing is, how your state is becoming more relaxed as the stressors are far below, so that you are no longer associated with that stress. You may keep ascending higher until the 2 dimensional picture becomes so faint that you are having a hard time relating to it, and you find more space between yourself and that event. As you watch you can see the photo becoming dimmer and dimmer, until you see a river emerging from below the scene of the photo. You realize that river water is rising and washing away the picture and with it, all the stressors you were carrying, leaving you with a clean blank slate to allow for your new way of experiencing the world.
While it might seem too outlandish, give it a whirl and let me know how it works or if you have any questions about your experiences while using it. To dig in deeper and effect even more powerful change, the extended version of this exercise which I practice in full sessions, lifts the stress and the framework for it, and gives your brain a new electrical pathway so you know yourself in a more accepting way, enabling you to love what is, so that the stress evaporates. May your stress be replaced by a constant state of equanimity and composure through any storm and may your de-stressing process lead you to your paradise found.
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