Cinching the Valentine’s Deal of Romance

‍"The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love."

~Henry Miller

Romance, relationship and intimacy: we thrive off of the sexual energy inherent in our human natures. So how do we use that energy to get the things we want; to create the relationships that will fulfill us and grant us ecstasy, bliss, expansion, adventure, security, harmony and a feeling of coming home?

Maybe it’s too big of a question to answer in one article, but exploring this can be fun! 

Why am I using sales jargon to describe romance calling it the Valentine’s Deal of Romance? Because even if you don’t think of yourself as a sales person, even romance includes some measure of sales acumen. You might not be selling a car, but selling yourself for the romance you want to enjoy with someone else, involves the same principles. If you know the principles, then you can use them to seal the deal on getting the date, or getting action in the bedroom. 

Here are the 4 steps to cinching your Romance Deal:

1. Establishing trust (connecting)
2. Adding value (Giving)
3. Making your bid (Asking)
4. Closing the deal (Receiving)
   

Connecting

Ever been on a date with a person who spoke endlessly about themselves? I have and it’s no fun! Thank God those days are done for me. But it’s good to remember you don’t need to prove yourself, because that has nothing to do with connecting. That has everything to do with the second step and we’re not there yet. 

To really connect you have to listen more and speak less. Ask questions and use my favorite phrase, “tell me more”. Everyone loves to hear those words because, as Henry Miller put it, love is the thing we often don’t get enough of, and love is communicated by our attention. 

Even in a progressed relationship, love in the bedroom works the same. Communicate through your attention, that you care about your partner and you’ll have more nights of orgasmic pleasure than if you simply rely on time and circumstance. (Yes this is an example of a wife thinking that her man cleaning the kitchen is sexy!)

Add Value

The male peacock shows his feathers as a mating call to the female. He’s adding value by showing his beauty. I'm not a female peacock and it’s not only up to males to add value. Each person needs to step in to add their own value to the mix. This means having a spirit of generosity, kindness & understanding among other things. 

I’m not quite sure how seeing the male’s feather’s exactly makes the female peacock feel but it’s adding enough value to engage her interest. So, determine to bring something of interest to the conversation or engagement. As well, make sure you keep your word and follow through on what you promise to deliver. This is the time you are proving what you say you are by your actions and your follow through. If you stay the course, your subject will be more primed to say yes, by the time you get around to directly asking. 

This is also the time where your curiosity about a person will pay off as it will let you know what that person values so that you can add that value in your next conversation.

What’s Your Ask?

Making your bid or asking is never a comfortable proposition. Afterall, in the romance department asking is inextricably tied to rejection. In sales, a ‘no’ is simply a ‘no’ but in romance, a ‘no’ can leave you taking it personally as if you are rejectable. But making your bid or making your ask doesn’t have to be so risky, when you use the following suggestions. 

1. You have to know what your “ask” is. Don’t expect to ask someone out who you just met and haven’t much connected with and hear them say yes, unless you propose something very casual and low risk. Low risk asks are often met with a yes. Ex: “I’ll be at happy hour at Joe’s from 5-7 if you want to stop by.” That’s low risk and subtly communicates interest. Though it does give you a chance and setting to connect.
2. When you want to go for a larger “ask”, simply make  sure you’ve established enough trust before you move to that stage. Each stage has its own time frame so don’t rush it to get to the end stage, simply stay in the space of connection and continuously adding value so that each “ask” gets to be natural and not forced.
   

Waiting For The Answer

Closing a deal requires patience. You ask and you wait for the response. That’s a tough one; being patient enough to wait for the response. Don’t make assumptions, don’t get caught up in your mind noise, don’t get to believing you’ll receive a “no”. Just simply let go and practice receiving. You have to open your hand to receive, which means relaxing and not being tight-fisted. Notice the restrictions in your body and breathe into it to let go. Seriously, it works. When your energy field is open and your body is relaxed then it’s primed to receive. Anytime the muscles are stressed and strained, the chakras become smaller and less activated & your body is defensively tight and not open enough to receive. 

If you’ve proceeded through the last 3 steps in tenseness you are likely to be tense in this step, so use the whole process to practice relaxing into a state of receiving. When you connect in curious interest, add value by giving and sharing, letting your ask be made known will feel natural and you’re more likely to hear, “YES”. 

If you do all the steps and you get a ‘no’ count yourself lucky to have made a friend and learned about someone else. You never know how your paths will cross again someday. Staying light and easy, will usher you into your next adventure where you’ll start all over again. Only this time you’ll be a little  closer to a “yes” than you were before! 

Lani Reagan is an intuitive life coach and reader at Paradise Found and can be booked via the Online Reader’s Portal, for help with relationships, career, life purpose and money. She also accepts email inquiries at lani@dynamichealingtherapies.com.