The Magic of Releasing Old Patterns

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar

~Katy Perry, "Roar"

“The seed of suffering in you may be strong, 
but don't wait until you have no more suffering 
before allowing yourself to be happy.” 

~Thich Nhat Hanh

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I hadn’t realized how anxious I was about receiving the pathology results from the melanoma surgery on my arm until I woke up at 4 am the day the call was scheduled. The tension in my gut and my inability to go back to sleep were very telling. And then I burst into tears as the doctor told me there was no sign of cancer in my lymph node and nothing in the margins, essentially giving me the all clear. Only then did I realize what a toll this experience had taken on me. I’m used to being so strong, and in that moment I felt the strength of my vulnerability.

"Everything we touch becomes a jewel for our enjoyment. We do not have to possess them, because every jewel is available for our delight. Everyone and everything here is a jewel." 

~Thich Nhat Hahn, Cultivating the Mind of Love

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I let go of all expectations, and allowed life to happen

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My intention with this cancer experience was to let it be symbolic of the release of a powerful block in my life; and now it seems as if it all happened so fast. Is it that easy? I guess that part was, and now the healing continues. Two weeks after the surgery I began to feel a semblance of myself again in my body and as the scar continues to heal I have the opportunity to continue my healing process and consciously release those old patterns when they appear. What an incredible blessing to have been able to release the cancer so quickly from my body, if only the old thought patterns were as easy to leave behind. Perhaps this new moon will help.

“On February 1 (ET), the new moon falls in Aquarius, cozying up to Saturn, which can drive serious, hard work on our intentions. But because the moon will also square off against electrifying Uranus, you could be tempted to break free of any situation, pattern, or relationship that feels as though it's been holding you back.”

~Maressa Brown - https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/astrology/aquarius-season-2022 

Cancer helped me see things with more clarity and actively, consciously love myself more and make decisions from that place; in the aftermath, there are still parts of me that I am integrating and loving. I realize that I often let my emotions run the show and loving myself through that is a challenge, especially when things don’t go the way a part of me wants them to go.

In the depths of my unconscious fear I attempted to control things (people) out of my control and clearly already on their way out; illness has a way of shaking the tree and showing us who our true companions are in this life. The ones who truly love us come closer, hold tighter and offer loving support, the others fall away.

I’m practicing letting go gracefully, and loving myself when I fall short, as I love others when I imagine that they fall short. I’ve been feeling so grateful for the gifts, insights, support and love I’ve recently received, and also find myself focused on what was left behind, trying to make sure it couldn’t have been salvaged.

The road of life is rocky and you may stumble too
So while you point your fingers someone else is judging you
Love your brotherman!
Could you be, could you be, could you be loved?
Could you be, could you be loved?...

~Bob Marley, "Could You Be Loved"

Clear your mind, and welcome fresh new perspectives

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“Overall the Aquarius New Moon is about clearing our mind so we can expand it to bigger and brighter horizons...start seeing new opportunities and welcoming in fresh new perspectives.” ‍

~ForeverConscious.com

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It’s feeling to me like the messages of the 5 of Cups and the Moon working together: an opportunity to utilize the powerful emotional triggers of the current moment to let go of emotional baggage from the past; and let it all flow down the Sarasvati River! Letting go of what no longer serves opens up space for better things to arrive.

And what a delicious, delightful time to do such work! With this new moon in Aquarius that also marks the start of the Chinese New Year of the Tiger, I feel inspired to take my tiger by the tale  (like the princess of wands) and do the shadow work this situation is offering to me. With Saturn sidling up to the new moon in Aquarius, I appear to be receiving the planetary energetic support to really take it up!

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Saturn as the Universe card (World Card in most tarot decks) is spending time as the Star in the sign of Aquarius, which is bringing a feeling of hopefulness, compassion and destiny that the star embodies. This new moon is also very close to my February 3rd solar return, my personal New Year, which seems particularly powerful and apropos. Especially as Mercury goes direct on my birthday!

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“Saturn...close to the Aquarius New Moon
...wants us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions
...requires us to ask the hard questions and to ensure that what we say we want and our behavior is in alignment
...gives us the hard lessons because it knows we can handle them
...so we can keep growing, keep leveling up, and lead the life we are destined to lead.”

~https://foreverconscious.com/intuitive-astrology-aquarius-new-moon-2022

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Learn through listening...

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Ultimately it is so important to have compassion for ourselves as we go through this next New Moon (represented by the High Priestess) in Aquarius (represented by the Star) phase that represents both intense and incredibly positive change and the tumultuous times ahead. Change, even positive, can still be difficult to navigate. The seed likely doesn’t feel all that good as the sprout bursts forth and the butterfly must work to break free of the cocoon just as the chick has to use all of its strength to break out of the shell.

“The High Priestess wants us to learn through listening. And she’s not one to soften the message. Sometimes the world is beautiful and sometimes it’s cruel. She’ll tell you either way.

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The Star is also about compassion. But she expresses it sweetly, softly and without shame. She’s thrown off her robes, has nothing to hide. For her, hope is what matters and she pours it down from the heavens like water into a pool. The Star understands the reality of pain, and seeks to heal it with her optimism. Though the night is long and sometimes frightening, she’s there to comfort both sinners and saints. No one should be alone.

The High Priestess admires the Star’s style, but she…isn’t happy feeling this exposed.

The Moon in Aquarius, or High Priestess in the Star’s clothing, can sometimes be emotionally stressful. Hope may be in the air, but it’s a cautious hope…Be real, but not a wet blanket. Rather than smothering your dreams, direct them with intelligence."

~ Georgianna at TheTarotRoom.com

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I will always listen for life's harmonies, seek connection, and embrace generosity

It feels to me like some pretty powerful uncomfortable truths are being revealed, personally for myself with this healing process and publicly for us all, around what we’ve unknowingly been going through for the past few years with the Covid pandemic. Loving ourselves and offering loving compassion to each other, whether we hold the same religious or political beliefs, have been vaccinated or not, and regardless of the side of whatever fence we may be across, we all have so much more in common than we realize.

Every one of us has a heart, and blood that pumps through our veins, we were all germinated by a seed and born of a womb and we all live on the earth together continually receiving the blessings of the sun which freely provides warmth and sustenance. And in recognizing the inherent generosity of the universe around us, we can recognize the opportunity for the capacity of our own generosity.

 “And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth, ‘You owe me.’ Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky.”

~Rumi

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And we all have joy and pain, we all love and suffer and we all have the opportunity to be love and offer loving kindness regardless of what is happening around us. It’s not always easy, and the more we work our emotional muscles the stronger and easier it gets to use them. Let’s all remember to exercise our love and kindness everyday, first in thought, then word and then deed/action; or all at the same time if we can manage it!

The great teacher Thich Nhat Hanh passed away on January 22, after blessing the world with his loving kindness for decades. We have been blessed to be here while he was here and I am so grateful for his presence on the earth and now for his spirit with the ancestors. How much love and light he shared with us while he was here and still remains with us after he has gone.

“Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and laughs at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart can be left open,
the door of compassion.”

~Thich Nhat Hanh