The Science of Reinventing Yourself | By Lani Reagan

While there may be some research to guide us through a reinvention period, the actual process is anything but scientific. Reinventions are never joyous, easy, or simple. They are messy, uncertain, and filled with stress, inner turmoil, and a lot of letting go. If you’re in the middle of reinventing yourself, you know exactly what I mean. Nevertheless, the word itself is a godsend. It’s largely forgiving and tends to make the not-so-easy process of growing to the next level sound chivalrous, and perhaps it is, because it helps us find our way home to a deeper way of knowing ourselves.

So as you contemplate your chivalrous self, here are a few points to remember to help you frame and reframe your current reinvention as a process that your Higher Soul is kindly moving you through, because if left up to your own devices, you may never have taken the bold moves needed to grow or face the parts of yourself that your carefully crafted life, kept you oblivious to. We might ask, Why do we experience times of reinvention? What makes them so challenging? How can we navigate a reinvention to land on our feet and leverage ourselves for greater success, love, living, joy, and happiness? Stick with me, and I'll do my best to answer these in a way that helps you navigate your current reinvention period with grace and ease.

Remember when you thought you couldn’t climb that mountain or swim that long lap, or get an A in that class, or get that job you eventually got? Each achievement helped you grow in confidence. You knew yourself from your skills, attributes, or roles. As time passes, all your achievements give you a sense of yourself that you become comfortable with. (Note: if you grew up with important people conditioning you to know yourself as incapable, unsafe, endangered, or unloved, then your reinventions have likely been very challenging, and I will speak to that towards the end of this article.)

We tend to become quite accustomed to knowing ourselves through our achievements and roles. The thing with a reinvention period is that much of that no longer matters. In a reinvention, it often doesn’t matter that you were great at your last job when the new job requires you to do and be something else. In a reinvention, the behavior of a single, divorced person is not the same as the identity or behavior of a married person. That’s what makes reinventions so challenging. Reinventions call for us to de-attach (as in a complete letting go) from the people we were comfortable being, and to take up the bold task of learning who we are becoming, all over again. In other words, the creative force within you is always striving to fulfill your potential (chivalrous, indeed).

I am not denying the pain or suffering that arises when things fall apart or our current stories run their course, only highlighting the huge advantage a reinvention brings. It offers us the gift of choice as we grow beyond ourselves. Nevertheless, they are not always a breeze to navigate, so here are three points to shape your approach to the process of reinvention. I have used these to navigate changes in relationships, residences, and careers successfully. I know they’ll help you as well.

First off, do whatever it takes to clear the mind space of inner chatter. The judgment, fear, and anxiety need some validation, because you don’t want to turn yourself off from your emotions. Still, a noisy mind will not effectively navigate you through a reinvention. Whether you use rhythmic breathing techniques, meditation, or a creative activity or sport that puts you in the zone, cultivating a still, clear mindset is necessary to position you for the next two steps. If you aren’t meditation prone, a sport (or physical activity) can be just as productive. Research shows that ‘lactic acid’ (or the correct name being lactate), built up in the system from heart-pumping physical activity, crosses the blood-brain barrier and gets used by the brain. An article published in Nature.com reveals that “lactate exerts different effects at the molecular and organ levels in the brain to influence behaviors, such as facilitating learning and memory and enabling the regulation of emotions” (Li, et al., 2022). So if you are a surfer, go surfing. If you are a hiker make sure to get out onto the trails. I have often had the best ideas and inspirations come to me during hiking.

Whatever you choose, the key is to take up a regular practice. I like conscious breathing because it’s free and always available. All you need to do is breathe and become aware of your breathing in a rhythmic way. I like inhaling for a count of 6 and holding for 3, then exhaling for a count of 6 and holding for 3 (that’s one cycle and 5-7 cycles will calm the mind, allowing you to sit in stillness while you anchor your awareness either on the air passing over your nostrils or the heart area).

Secondly, as you become quiet through meditation, breathing, or creative movement, you will have the opportunity to let yourself become curious. I am not referring to the kind of curiosity that frantically looks for a solution or is fueled by worry, but the kind of curiosity that emerges from the perspective of not knowing anything. The second step involves assuming you know nothing. Doing so allows your curiosity to increase and expand, enabling you to examine things from new perspectives, gain an inspirational direction, and hear the voice of your Higher Soul. Since it’s a process, practice with patience and receptivity. Refrain from getting impatient if you practice and hear nothing; instead, keep practicing because it’s about cultivating the silence to hear what your Higher Soul is saying.  

Thirdly, you’ll want to be sure to take action in a couple of areas. First and most obvious is to take action on any ideas or inspirations you are getting. Since a reinvention often includes some downtime, remember that this downtime can be used to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and to administer better self-care. Make sure to move your body, get enough sleep, eat healthy food, and spend time contemplating your feelings (fruit) and then discovering the thoughts (soil) from which they have emerged. Every negative emotion is a choice and a reflection of a thought that we have about ourselves. This is so, since before being in a relationship with any other person or thing, we are always in a relationship with ourselves first.

Here is a set of questions to reflect on to dig for subconscious beliefs that your reinvention process is helping you discover and resolve:

1) After identifying a particular negative feeling, inquire what the thoughts are that underlie or support this feeling. You can also ask yourself: “What am I making this feeling mean about me?” The answer should start with the words, “That I am…”.

 An example looks like this: “I feel afraid”. What am I making this feeling mean about me? That I am going to fail. That I am a failure. That I am going to be alone. That I am not enough. That I am a bad person. Dig and find all the subconscious thoughts that are not true, only made true by a part of your mind and body that bought into those thoughts as true a long time ago.

2) What benefit do I get from being attached to this negative belief as my truth? Who am I presuming to align with or please, from choosing this as my truth? What does my psyche believe it's getting from holding onto this as truth?

The beliefs our subconscious minds form have the purpose of survival and keeping us safe. Many of those stories about Self and the world, are not empirically true. Only the mind has been making them true. Once you realize that those things are all myths, the storylines start to fade, making way for the new storylines you are letting yourself experience daily in your breathing and movement practice.

While reinventions are periods of transformation, they can sometimes be painful and messy processes. Having some direction in how we approach our current reinvention can lead to a quicker transition and yield richer results in personal growth and understanding of ourselves as evolving beings, moving along a creative evolutionary continuum. We can either resist out of fear, by dragging our feet, or we can surrender to this arc of growth by exploring it. If you were conditioned to believe very negative things about yourself and the world, this process might be more challenging, and I am happy to help you navigate unpeeling the layers that have no doubt felt comfortable as much as they have felt painfully limiting. The ego within us does not like to give up its stories. Still, everyone deserves to grow into their new selves through a reinvention period, and everyone deserves support along the way.

If you take up a practice to quiet your mind, let yourself be curious from a space of knowing nothing, instead of being judgmental, frustrated, or condemning, your inner voice will flow with new perspectives. Furthermore, when you affirm your worth and health through movement and attentive self-care, you tell the Universe that you are ready to explore the deeper parts of yourself. Reflecting on your feelings and the questions provided will help you uncover the subconscious material responsible for limiting your becomingness. This will pave the way for you to stop buying into old stories that perhaps were never really true at all. The realization that they are not true causes them to evaporate. In this process, your chivalrous and gallant self will rise in your daily life to meet the gifts the Universe is in the process of bringing to you.