The Art of Choosing to Build a Beautiful Life by Lani Reagan

I wasn’t raised to understand choice as an art. Art, I thought, was painting or drawing, not choosing. Coming from a religious cult background, I had few choices, and instead a lot of brainwashing, making me think I was choosing. It was only after I left that I gradually came to understand the art of choosing and how closely linked it is to the process of mastering the mind. I came to understand how systems of all sorts keep us from choosing or keep us believing we have no choice. From mass programming about how men or women should behave, to familial expectations about how to live or who to marry, there are so many different “voices” from many other sources that slowly become our own voice and keep us from the power to choose or even knowing what we want to choose.

How do we redefine our relationship to the power of choice and thereby create more options and flow in our lives? What can we do to engage our power of choice to build a more beautiful life for ourselves and others? Below are a few suggestions to raise your power of choosing to an art and create the life you may be thinking or subconsciously believing you can’t have. Wouldn’t it be fun to experiment and see what you can shift in the next month? Full moon time is perfect for this type of experiment. Let’s jump in.

Tip #1: Practice Emotional Regulation.

If you are prone to feeling frustrated, hopeless or full of anxiety or despair, my condolences to you. Let me first validate your feelings as important and relevant to your situation. Then I must remind you that the Love, Light, and Power that you are is not your situation, or your feelings. While feelings are powerful, they do not have to have as much power over us as we give them. Over-attachments to our painful feelings make it hard to choose to feel another feeling or focus on another thing, but tip number one suggests you do just that. Willfully choose another feeling and action. Don’t get me wrong, I believe feelings are important, so don’t suppress, erase, minimize, or negate your feelings. Feel them and, if desired, journal about them; then choose another activity. Begin with immediate self-care actions, such as nourishing your body, resting, or engaging in gentle movement. Meditation is an ideal activity to quiet the mind, allowing you to leverage your power of choice. So first things first, you must give up your attachment to the worry, doubt or whatever negativity runs through you, because that is the primary skill to build. Choosing your feelings is a practice in emotional regulation. Tip #1? Practice emotional regulation.

Tip #2: Make Peace with Your Current Situation.

Having a level of acceptance of “what is” means you're building skill in the art of choosing. At the level of the subconscious mind, we are influenced to take action and thus manifest outcomes that the subconscious mind thought would keep us safe. The problem is that the subconscious mind is often working from past memories and doesn’t have current information factoring in. The sooner we can make peace with our current situation as a product of our subconscious influencing our choices, the sooner we can own our power and ability to choose and respond differently in the future. The art of choosing is directly related to accepting our situation and feelings, without needing to make them mean anything bad or negative about ourselves or others, places, or events. When we do this we can see that everything good and bad we have in our lives was a choice at either a conscious or subconscious level. It takes our energy back from the blame-game, from a victim stance, from obsession over details, and from shame and disappointments. Tip # 2 is to accept all you have as a choice made either consciously or subconsciously.

Tip #3: Adopt a Growth Mindset.

The psychologist Carol Dweck explored the concept of a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset and found that the growth mindset is more often associated with happiness, fulfillment, and success. After having accepted your feelings and situation as your “choice”, you now have the opportunity to move into a growth mindset. If you inadvertently created an unpleasant outcome, you can engage a growth mindset that allows for learning and growth. Growth involves trial and error. Knowing that you are learning and that you’re not supposed to know everything, will feel like a relief when you step into this consciousness. You’ll be engaging Tip #3, Adopting a Growth Mindset.

Tip #4: Choose a New Frame.

Reframing a situation is when you choose to see a situation from a different perspective. For example, when you choose to know that everything is happening for you, instead of to you, new frames will begin to appear. Though it may not be apparent in the moment, eventually, you will understand that a past relationship didn’t work out because you were supposed to have a family with the person you’re with instead. Though you might feel defeated because you didn’t get the job you applied for, you can reframe this and choose to trust that not getting the job is allowing the better job to come your way. You get the idea. Tip #4, Choosing a New Frame is the height of the art of choice, because the Universe reflects back to us that which our consciousness holds, causing forces to conspire in our favor.

Tip #5: Remember to Practice #1-#4.

Anytime we adopt a new habit, we need to work consciously at instilling it into our mental operating system, which involves the nervous system of the body. Anytime you course-correct your thinking, you are enhancing your skill in the art of choosing. When you combine it with movement and breath, you strengthen that connection. This is the purpose of ritual and symbolic actions. If you remember and course correct, then mark your course correction with a symbolic act or ritual. Your body then creates meaning that tends to inform your mental state, which in turn, informs your choices and influences outside forces, giving you more power to leverage a desirable outcome. So remember to practice the first steps and then seal your learnings in, with some form of body movement or ritual to symbolize your commitment to the art of choosing.

I love experimenting with new ways of being and acquiring new skills to practice, as it puts me in a deeper connection with Source and gives me a sense of feeling guided and led. It’s especially encouraging to know that the Universe indeed listens to the vibration of the heart and brings us that which we resonate with subconsciously and consciously. We all must safeguard against forgetting our right to choose. This should motivate us to align our subconscious with our conscious intention and commit to remembering. I am confident that if you follow the above steps, you’ll create shifts in your life you didn’t think possible.

When you feel you need more guidance in that process, I am always happy to assist you via the Online Reader’s Portal. Until then, may your skill in the art of choosing be perfected through fun experimentations!