Does loving well have to do with how many friends you have? Does living fully, necessarily require having a lot of money or possessions? I’d say the answer is ‘no’, but they do require the skill of building emotional intimacy with ourselves and others. Learn about the secrets to cultivating emotional intimacy: Get comfortable with vulnerability. Make sure you are loving your Self. Be direct in your communication...
“In the end, these things matter the most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?”
Does loving well have to do with how many friends you have? Does living fully, necessarily require having a lot of money or possessions? I’d say the answer is ‘no’, but they do require the skill of building emotional intimacy with ourselves and others.
If the idea of cultivating emotional intimacy brings up within you, any discomfort, need to judge or poke fun at, then I invite you to stay with me because this is written especially for you.
As a result of feeling timid and tender around our emotions or even being unaware of our emotions, we often cannot see when we are sacrificing emotional intimacy in favor of the light and happy experience of romance and fun. But we are happiest when we are bonding and deeply connecting with a like minded and supportive community; from our personal romantic partnerships and family, to our friends and social circles.
I was 10 when I had my first crush, but I wasn’t afraid of my feelings. I was just afraid of what others would think about my feelings and what it would mean about me, in particular. Can you relate? Unfortunately, this isn’t something we grow out of as we age, like growing out of our clothing. Some would say that it feels much safer to not talk about our feelings, especially the uncomfortable ones, even when we’re in relationships with consenting participating adults. But unless we practice getting comfortable with our emotions and heal our fears of intimacy, we will continue to cheat ourselves out of deep, loving, trusting and fulfilling relationships at both the romantic and platonic levels.
So why do humans fear intimacy? The prospect of love and baring our hearts to another, exposes us to the risk of rejection and loss, which creates discomfort. When we experience inner discomfort, this tension (fear of intimacy) leads to actions designed to solve for the perceived threat of being “too close” in order to create distance. Some behaviors include; feeling guarded or resistant to being close; withholding affection; being suspicious of a partner; being overly critical of a partner; losing interest in sexuality; or being unable to commit. We are usually not aware of this fear of intimacy, because the ego likes to control things externally to solve for emotional discomfort at a subconscious level, but we can spend years in the above actions that create distance and remain stuck in patterns that cheat us out of the intimate connections we are thirsty for.
Here are 3 areas to focus on that will help you build emotional intimacy despite any subconscious fears your psyche might be engaging.
The degree to which you can be available to your uncomfortable emotions and share them without discomfort or fear that you’ll be made fun of; or left behind; or anything else your psyche might be making it mean, is the degree to which you’ll be available to and be entitled to enjoy, intimate emotional connection with another.
How do you become more available to processing your uncomfortable emotions to get comfortable with them? It’s all just energy and shifting the energy can make all the difference in the world. The thing I appreciate about energy-healing is that it creates space to know yourself as loved and empowered without having to necessarily spend so much time on the details of a personal issue.
While I can’t offer you a magic potion, to solve for fears of intimacy, I can offer you a reading session in the Paradise Found’s Reader’s Portal. Just click the link or email me at AskLaniNow@gmail.com. If you found the pointers in this article beneficial, I’d love to hear from you. Please reach out and share your fear of intimacy story as I can use it in future articles. May you be blessed with success as you work towards cultivating emotional intimacy.